Is this what Love is about?
-I will leave him, I need to. For my own sanity, for his own happiness, and for my own Love.-
I feel dizzy, the nausea is making me lose my mind. Is it nausea or is it the constant thought of the painful decision I have been mentally preparing for about a month ago?
Yes, I must let him go, but I also took the decision to let go on the Drama and say Goodbye from a place of Love. I am giving birth to the newest version of what I call ” A Conscious Separation Anxiety.” This time the willingness to feel uncomfortable is more present than ever -And yes, it deeply burns my gut- I am saying goodbye to my special person, my lover and my dear best friend. Yet, in the midst of suffering the banality of living in the earth, fighting against gravity and trying to stay awake, I made the decision to let him go from a place of Love. Embracing the pain in my veins bleeding through my tears, facing what it has to come and honoring the unknown.
This time will be different. I refuse to become a VIP member of the “Femme fatale happy hour and all you can eat Club”, this time my soul is screaming louder than ever to do things differently. As my intuition begs to keep an open mind, and my heart is in stillness, I have created my own “Dissolving -Spiritual Kit.”
-Breaking up sounds clean, crisp; there’s finality even in the way it’s intoned. Dissolving is then the antithesis: the slow, crumbling ache, the separation from one thing to another and that is what I am experiencing right now, a slow dissolution.-
My oddly fitting idea consists in replacing ALL my auto-destructive habits for Self-Love habits. During my falling-out-of-love process, I tend to do all the drama formalities Hollywood lovingly taught me when I was 15:
- Get with my Girlfriends and become a Party Monster for about a month or two
- Get with other Girlfriends and have Wine and Ice-cream night watching Sex and the City
- Swiping right for my next “recovery-date”
- Poorly working out to stay in shape while dealing with the fact my “Tired-Self” was no longer on cooking mood other than canned Tuna fish and Maruchan soup.
Therefore, after an extended month of self-destructive acts, I finally get into the “F* him” stage, and slowly recoup from my insane outlay. Never again, I am deleting stage number one and using my own wellness tools for having a successful stage two flip out.
- Be kinder to myself
- Back to boxing class
- Eat Mood-Boosting meals (Mediterranean and Asian Diet )
Tip for the future: A perfect break up food – Vietnamese Pho ( One of my favorites for a post break remedy and a giant party )
The main ingredients – cinnamon, cloves, fennel, star-anise, and ginger are known for their memory powers, concentration, antianxiety, anti- depression properties. What you don’t know is that by combining these ingredients it immediately increases your serotonin and melatonin levels which help you move on past your break up.
Plus – cooking is a therapeutic adventure.